"I like to make love once, not many times in a row. Girls always tell me they've made love for hours, and I would say I have better things to do than have sex all fucking day." Mario tells me while sitting on his couch in his studio apartment. Hearing this gives me a sense of compassion, because past partners of mine have scrutinized me for the same. I too enjoy sex, but once a day maybe twice if spread out.
As we sit there alone drinking beer I think how I wish I were more attracted to him. I think about how as I get older, I am becoming more and more picky. Then I think of Drake, and the hurt and humiliation, the regret and shame I felt from us having sex. These thoughts make me feel more distant and turned off by Mario.
I know Mario really wants to have sex with me, I also know he hasn't been will a woman for over a year and here I sit with my hair braided and my makeup done up to go out for the night. I would want me too. Despite my dis-attraction I wonder what it would be like to at least kiss him, so to feel passion. "You can kiss me if you want to", I tell him. I can tell he is surprised after how far away I sat on the small love seat sofa. He comes closer and kisses me. Its a nice kiss but disappointed about the lack of passion I felt left me disappointed.
Kissing Drake was honestly the last time I felt such passion as with my first true love when I was 17. I find this extremely confusing because of how awful I treated Drake and how he treated me too. It was as if because I liked him so much and had such strong feelings for him, I had to push him away.
My heart is broke,. I feel incapable of letting a man love me because they have hurt me so much.
As we sit there alone drinking beer I think how I wish I were more attracted to him. I think about how as I get older, I am becoming more and more picky. Then I think of Drake, and the hurt and humiliation, the regret and shame I felt from us having sex. These thoughts make me feel more distant and turned off by Mario.
I know Mario really wants to have sex with me, I also know he hasn't been will a woman for over a year and here I sit with my hair braided and my makeup done up to go out for the night. I would want me too. Despite my dis-attraction I wonder what it would be like to at least kiss him, so to feel passion. "You can kiss me if you want to", I tell him. I can tell he is surprised after how far away I sat on the small love seat sofa. He comes closer and kisses me. Its a nice kiss but disappointed about the lack of passion I felt left me disappointed.
Kissing Drake was honestly the last time I felt such passion as with my first true love when I was 17. I find this extremely confusing because of how awful I treated Drake and how he treated me too. It was as if because I liked him so much and had such strong feelings for him, I had to push him away.
My heart is broke,. I feel incapable of letting a man love me because they have hurt me so much.
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